Inertia
by Shaddyr
Summary: Straight up buddy-fic. Could be pre-slash; YMMV. Written for LJ fictictactoe, Prompt 8. Inertia - the resistance an object has to a change in its state of motion; an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion.


"What do you mean 'no'?"

"By 'no', Colonel, I mean 'no'. One syllable, opposite of yes. I understand it's not a word you frequently have to deal with as you Kirk your way around the galaxy, but there it is. Tell me, is it the 'N' or the 'O' that you're finding difficult to understand?"

Sheppard cocked an eyebrow and shot Zelenka a look over McKay's head. The other scientist appeared more frazzled than usual, hair in complete disarray, mouth set in a hard line, and Sheppard knew if he didn't get McKay out of the lab real soon now, bloodshed might be imminent. He poked Rodney in the shoulder. McKay flailed a hand in his general direction.

"Piss off. Working now."

Sheppard tried wheedling. "It's meatloaf today. And I hear they have pudding."

"It's mystery-something-that-resembles meatloaf today. Pudding was yesterday. And also, I'm busy."

"You love mystery meatloaf," he protested. It was true. Rodney loved pretty much any kind of meatloaf. "Are you trying to tell me you're not hungry?"

"I had a power bar. Now go away."

He tried whining. "Aww, c'mon Rodney-"

"Why are you still here? Are you deaf? Are you stupid? "

Sheppard scowled. "You. Saying no to lunch. Are you sure you're feeling okay? " He gave McKay a suspicious look. "Oh, you're not still pissed off at me about that sparkly doohickey from the other day are you? Because that was totally not my fault - it was already busted, I swear! I didn't make it blow up!"

You could almost hear the eye roll. "Colonel, I have a critical project that I am working on here –"

"A projects others in this department are quite capable of managing, Rodney!" Zelenka interjected sharply.

"Shut UP, you're all a gaggle of glorified engineers who got your degrees from a cracker jack box. Except maybe for you. You're not completely stupid all the time."

Zelenka braced himself against the work bench, right across from Rodney. "If you don't get out of the lab and stop breathing down all of our necks, I will not be responsible for what happens to you!" he declared. "You are even more vile than normal these last few days. Simpson and Choi have already begun to plot insurrection, and *I* will not stand in their way!"

Rodney made a face. "I quake in fear. Not. Seriously, I am not leaving this in the hands of mere minions. I don't trust any of them not to completely ruin the results."

"You are paranoid lunatic!" Radek yelled as he raked a hand through his hair, and then began to rant in Czech as he stalked away.

"It's not paranoia," McKay shouted at his retreating back. "They really are out to get me, you just admitted it yourself!"

"Sooooo," Sheppard began. "Sounds like maybe a break might be a good thing for everyone-"

Rodney finally – FINALLY – turned away from his work bench to glare at Sheppard. "Look. If you're bored, go run circles around the city with Ronon. Or let Teyla whack you with sticks. Whatever. Just be somewhere that I am not, because I don't have time to entertain you right now."

With that, Sheppard found himself summarily dismissed as Rodney turned back to his laptop and resumed scrolling through the reams of data filling the screen. Sheppard's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms, adjusting the cant of his hip to rest lightly against the workbench. He took in the tense set of Rodney's shoulders, the intense concentration on his face, the unhappy slant of his mouth. This was a situation that called for some metaphorical C4, because Rodney clearly wasn't planning on moving anytime soon.

He spoke in a low tone, pitched so only McKay could hear. "You know, I still have a stash of kona in my room from the last time the Daedalus was through." He watched Rodney carefully as he continued. "Take a break and I'll bring it by tomorrow morning."

Rodney resolutely shook his head. Which meant he had his own stash and didn't need John's. Sheppard tried again.

"I've also got a couple bottles of that beer you like stashed away. You know, the Canadian stuff." McKay's head snapped up, and Sheppard forced back the smile as he pressed the advantage. "Hey, you pack it up now, we can go grab lunch and have beer on the pier. The minions are happy, you're happy - everyone wins."

He was right on the edge, Sheppard could tell. He almost had him, but it could still go either way. He just needed one more push to get the ball rolling. Time to bring out the big guns. He leaned close into McKay's space, his mouth only inches from the other man's ear.

"I also happen to have an unopened box of hedgehogs I might be persuaded to share."

McKay's eyes widened, his mouth forming a perfect 'Oh!' before turning back to Sheppard, reaching out to wrap a hand tightly around one of Sheppard's forearms. "You bastard," he breathed low and tight. "You've got coffee, beer *and* chocolate? That I didn't know about? You've been holding out on me!"

Sheppard smirked. "Well...yeah."

McKay released his arm to hunch back over the laptop, typing furiously. After a moment, he abruptly stood and snapped his fingers. "Radek! Get over here! You're in charge until Miko can take over." Rodney ignored the spate of ire his sudden demand elicited from Zelenka as he tapped his earpiece. "Kusanagi! Get to the main lab right now. You're babysitting the Hephaestus project --- yes I know that, but... well, I don't *care*, give it to Choi, then get up here! You're on *this* till I say different. Now move!" He broke the connection, then turned to face Sheppard once more.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" he demanded as he started toward the door. "Let's go! Lunch waits for no man, and I don't want them to run out of meatloaf before we get there." He dropped his voice as he pointed at Sheppard. "And not only will you ply me with beer and chocolate today, you *will* bring that kona stash to the lab tomorrow morning."

"Sure thing, Rodney," he agreed as he followed his friend out of the lab. He tapped his radio and gave Lorne a quick shout, advising he would be unavailable for the next few hours. Now that he had McKay in motion, it was best to just tag along and stay out of the way, because nothing short of the lab exploding or a full scale Wraith attack was likely to change his trajectory.


End file.
